Paradise News

The humorous story of a former priest and lecturer in theology who pays a final visit to his dying aunt in Hawaii. 'The poignant personal relations and the Hawaiian way of life are recorded with the sardonic perception of a latter-day Evelyn Waugh' Spectator 'Further proof that Lodge is master of ... subtle, scintillating satire' Daily Mail He was woken by the sound of the telephone ringing. It was eight o'clock, and nearly dark outside: he had been asleep for over an hour. 'Hallo, this is Yolande Miller," said a female voice. 'Who?' 'The accident this morning? I was the driver of the car.' 'Oh yes, sorry, I wasn't thinking straight.' He stifled a yawn. 'I just wanted to know how your father's doing.' Bernard gave her a brief resume. 'Well, I'm glad its no worse,' said Yolande Miller, 'but I guess its ruined your vacation.' 'We're not here on vacation,' said Bernard, and explained why they had come to Hawaii. 'That's too bad. So your father hasn't even seen his sister yet?' 'No, they're both confined to bed. Only a few miles apart, but it might as well be a thousand. I suppose they'll manage to meet eventually, but it's a bit of a mess.' 'You musn't blame yourself,' said Yolande Miller. 'What?' Bernard wasn't sure that he had heard correctly. 'I get the impression that you're blaming yourself for what happened.' 'Well, of course I blame myself,' he burst out. 'This whole expedition was my idea. Well, not exactly my idea, but I arranged it, I encouraged my father to come. He would never have had the accident if I hadn't brought him here. Instead of being in pain, in hospital, in a foreign country, he would be safe and sound in his own home. Of course I blame myself.' 'I could do that. I could say to myself, "Yolande, you should have guessed the old man was going to step off the sidewalk, you should never have gone into Waikiki to shop anyway" - hardly ever do, actually, but I saw an ad in the paper about a sportswear sale ... I could say all that. But it wouldn't make any difference. These things happen. You have to put them behind you and carry on. You're probably thinking this is none of my business.' 'No, no,' said Bernard though the thought had not been far from his mind. 'But I'm a personal counsellor, you see. It's a reflex response.' 'Well, thank you for your counsel. I'm sure it's very sensible.' 'You're welcome. I hope your father is better soon.' Bernard put down the phone and addressed a surprise 'Hmmph!' to the empty room. He discovered, however, that he was more amused than offended by Yolande Miller's presumptuousness. He also felt suddenly ravenously hungry, and realised that he hadn't eaten all day. There was nothing in the fridge-freezer except what Mrs Knoepflmacher had provided for their breakfast, and some packets of frozen vegetables and ice cream. He decided to go out and find a restaurant.